I Miss You
by GrissomzGal
Summary: Olivia sits and reflects on her life. Not a good summary, I know, but please read and review!


Well I know I did say in the last chapter of my story 'Falling Apart' that I was busy studying for my exams that are coming up soon, and I should be but this idea came to mind and I just had to get it out before it totally escaped the confines of my 'memory vault'.

I hope you like it.

It's just a simple one-shot where Olivia reflects. I hope you read this and feel compelled to leave a review for me... Although beware I may get distracted as an episode of SVU is currently on and I may have to leave for a few moments at a time to wipe away the drool the forms as a result of watching Christopher Meloni on my television screen...

:D Thanks!

Olivia Stabler perched on the edge of her king sized bed in the house she shared with her family. A large, wooden box sat on the dressing table in-front of her. She glanced into the mirror for a moment and she smiled slightly as she saw her husband standing behind her, watching her intently. She reached out and lifted the heavy wooden top from the box, turning and placing it on the bed behind her. Turning back round, she peered inside the chest which contained the memories of her life. Everything from when she was born all the way up to the present day.

Reaching in, the first thing she pulled out was her birth certificate. She passed over that one - she was looking to reminisce about the happiest times of her life, not the ones that caused her pain and hurt and made hot tears come to her eyes. She let out a long sigh as she also passed over her mother's death certificate. God knew that she'd looked over that one document so many times that she assumed that she could recite it over, just off the top of her head. Finally she came to something that she really did want to look over. The thick book covered in burgundy leather, with the words 'Elliot James Stabler & Olivia Serena Benson- 7/17/2010.' She smiled, running her index finger over the two names, concentrating especially on the first name that appeared.

That day, the 17th of July 2010, had been one of the happiest days of her life. She remembered every single detail about it, although there were a few certain things that stuck out in her mind as she flicked idly through the thick pages, containing photos of the build up to the precious moment, the moment itself, and the aftermath of it. She stopped the page at the picture of herself being walked down the aisle by her old boss, Captain Don Cragen. She had worn a perfectly fitted, pure white dress, with capped sleeves and lace trim. Even she had to admit that on that day, she looked radiant and absolutely beautiful. She also had to admire how handsome Cragen looked when he scrubbed up. In his new tux and neatly pressed white shirt, he looked very handsome. As she saw the shine reflecting off his bald head, she couldn't contain her giggle. He had told her as the walked down the aisle that he'd made sure that he'd shone his dome especially for the day.

She flicked the page once more and her breath caught in her throat as it always did when she looked at this photo. She and Elliot stood in-front of the priest, wearing matching grins on their faces. She could remember that precise moment as if it was yesterday, as she had been trying her damnedest not to cry. She'd not wanted to break down on her special day, but eventually everything had got the better of her and she had crumbled at their reception, in her new husband's strong, loving embrace. In this particular photo, the priest was smiling at them both, and it was one that she completely and utterly loved. It was a moment that she would never forget as long as she lived.

Flicking the page again, she beamed as she came face to face with herself and Elliot walking up the aisle, arm in arm. They both shared the same look of pride and absolutely ecstasy as the walked. She could also remember that moment just like it was yesterday. Walking back up that aisle, knowing that she had finally and definitely got her man, and knowing that he felt the exact same way as she did. It was something that made her feel so good about herself and gave her a kind of confidence that she had never experienced with anything else in her entire life.

She had never felt as special, or as proud, or as euphoric as she had that day. She hadn't anticipated what a rush she would get from simply dressing up in a beautiful dress and saying a few simple words which meant that she was now tied to Elliot in a way that she had wanted ever since meeting him so long ago.

Next, she pulled out a thinner, powder pink book with the words 'Tamsin Olivia Stabler - 5/5/2011 ' She smiled, again running her finger over the name on the cover, letting out a soft sigh. Next to her wedding, this was one of the moments that meant the most to her in her entire life. It was true what everybody said - after the event of giving birth, you forgot the pain that you went through, simple because what you got out of it, your children, was the most beautiful thing in life.

She opened the book and smiled as she saw the picture of her daughter at around 8 minutes old. She was already the most beautiful thing that Olivia had seen in her life and she was barely into the world. She had a thin covering of white blonde, wispy, fluffy hair, and she had a pair of absolutely beautiful, sparkly, royal blue eyes just like her Daddy's. She had little, chubby baby cheeks that you just wanted to squash and the tinest hands, and fingers, that Olivia had ever come across.

She smiled widely as she looked across the page and saw Tamsin in her Daddy's arms for the first time. When Elliot had taken his daughter, she had immediately teared up. It was so completely beautiful to see her husband and her newborn baby daughter together for the first time. She had always known that he had been brilliant with children, but when he had taken Tammy in his arms, held her closely and whispered to her that he loved her, and she had just lain there gazing up at him as if she was completely in awe of him. But then, Olivia smiled wryly, that was often a reaction that Elliot received.

She glanced into the mirror again and she beamed as she saw him still standing there, grinning at her now, doing the buttons of his shirt up. She had always loved to watch him as he moved. It had always been a thing of hers, and she had never really understood it, but she had come to accept it over time. She reckoned that Elliot had worked that out early on into their relationship, when she would watch him closely as he interrogated suspects and moved through houses.

She gently laid the pink book down on the dark red cover of the duvet. She let out a soft sigh, thinking to herself that they would need changed very soon. It had been a while since she had changed the sheets and although they definitely did need changed she just couldn't be bothered to get up off her ass and getting it over and done with.

Reaching back inside the box, she pulled out another thin book, although this one was not pink, it was a baby blue colour. She smiled, running her finger over the name that had been printed on the cover in silver again. She read the name 'Michael Elliot Stabler - 4/27/2013.' Her son. Her little boy. She loved her children equally, but she had to admit she had a soft spot for the little boy with the big dark brown eyes and the cheeky grin that was an exact replica of his father's.

Everybody did. There was no-one she knew that could resist Mikey's charm. Although he was just 5, he already had Casey under his thumb, and Cragen, Fin and Munch all thought he was a pretty cool kid and had the utmost respect for him. He was so much like his father. He had the same grin, the same charm and the same way about him. He was mighty intense at times, but at other times he had a cracking sense of humour and could make anybody around him laugh. He reminded her so much of her husband, she she guessed that it was exactly the reason that she had a little soft spot for him over the others.

Thinking of him, actually, it was his 6th birthday in a couple of weeks. She'd have to remember to get some things for him, although she didn't think that there would be a party this time around. She just didn't feel like it, and she guessed that since Tammy was 8 now and was already beginning to dislike playing with her younger brother, she assumed that her oldest child wouldn't be all that up for it this year. But that was fine, she was sure that Mikey would understand. He was also like his Dad in that respect - if you explained things properly to him more often than not he was cool with it and didn't make a huge fuss about anything. She just hoped that he was going to be a little less intense than his Dad when he grew up. She didn't think that the world could handle a clone of Elliot Stabler.

She placed the blue book down and took out a third book. This one was black and had a white title of ' London - July 2016. ' She laughed out loud as she remembered the great time they had had visiting London. It was the first vacation that Elliot and Olivia had taken in literally years, and obviously that meant that it had been Tammy and Mikey's very first vacation. They had been so excited all the way through the week.

They had been hyper when they had got up in the morning they were due to jet off to England. Both kids had come through and woken their parents up by jumping on the beds, and their great mood had rubbed off on Elliot and Olivia. As they had taken a cab to the airport, they had all been excited and had been one of those really annoying, noisy families that just didn't shut up. It just showed that they were all hyped up about their trip away, because normally they were a very reserved, polite family. Elliot and Olivia would never normally have let themselves get out of control, unless they were either furious or excited.

She smiled as she opened the book and laughed as she saw the picture than some strange Chinese couple had taken for them, of the four of them just before boarding the plane. It was a strange point at which to take a photograph and Olivia had opposed Elliot's suggestion at first, but now she was so glad that she had been roped into letting the Chinese couple snap them, because she loved taking these memoirs out and having a flick through all the photographs of the great times that she had had with her family. She'd never imagined that she would be one of those people who keep lots of photographs and looked over them from time to time, because she'd never before really pictured herself having such a great family. She had always thought that she would either end up unhappy with some weird guy and maybe a kid or two, or even just end up on her own. She had never imagined that she would end up with a gorgeous guy and some absolutely beautiful children.

In London, they had went straight to their hotel from Heathrow, because it had been a long flight and they had all been absolutely exhausted. The jetlag was also getting to the four of them, so the following morning they'd not surfaced until about half past twelve, London time, which would really only have been around half past eight New York time. They had treated themsevles to a proper English breakfast, and Olivia chuckled as she remembered that even Elliot had been stuffed, and how shocked they had all been when he had pushed his plate away and muttered the words that nobody had even heard him say before. 'I'm full...'

During the trip to London, they had taken an open-top tour around the city, getting a good look at the Houses of Parliament, Downing Street, Big Ben and other famous landmarks in London. They'd also taken a very enjoyable trip along the River Thames, and then had riden the London Eye. They all agreed that even though there were more spectacular, fast moving things in the USA, but the view from the very top of the huge wheel, on a clear summer's afternoon was beautiful. It allowed you to see the busy city of London, although it allowed you to see a bit further out, and it was definitely impressive.

As she was sat looking through the memories, she eventually put her hand on a rolled up document, which she slowly lifted out of the box. Untying the red string around it, her eyes filled up. Unfolding it, she heaved a sigh and glanced in the mirror again. There he stood, grinning at her, shirt buttoned, tie done up, suit jacket on. She wiped her eyes as she glanced down at the writing, and as she read over the information there, she let out a soft sob.

Just as she did, Tammy wandered through. "Mom, I'm bored. What can I do?"

"I don't know. Play with your brother, or something like that," she shook her head.

"No, that's boring," she shook her head.

"Well I don't know!!" Olivia shouted at her daughter. She hadn't meant to shout at her, but she couldn't help it. It was the emotions running through her body at the moment. She didn't want to cry and be upset and depressed, so her outlet was to get angry at those who didn't deserve it at all.

"Dad would know what to do!!" Tammy shouted right back, running to the bed and throwing herself onto it, shuffling over to the far side. She grabbed the pillow, burying her face into it. Tammy was a naturally happy, bubbly girl, and it hurt Olivia so much to see her upset. It hurt her even more to hear the sound of the sobs coming from deep down inside of her little girl, and even worse was that she had absolutely no idea how to stop them.

It had always been Elliot who had dealt with the tears and with the cuddles. Sure, Olivia had hugged her kids and tried her best to comfort them, but Elliot had just possessed some inate ability to be able to comfort his kids when they needed it. If Tammy was crying because a boy at school pulled her hair, he was there. If Mikey lost his baseball, Elliot was there. He was always there, and not just for the kids either. He had always been there for her, from one day one, to help her out when she needed some advice. He was there to argue with her when she needed to vent her anger. He was always there to hold her when she was upset and he was always there to make her laugh and to make her feel good when she needed it.

"Yes, he would," Olivia cried. "He'd know how to make you have fun, and he'd know how to cheer up Mikey because he's lost his baseball, and I wouldn't be sitting here depressed!!"

"I miss Dad!!" Tammy exclaimed.

"So do I," Olivia nodded just as Mikey wandered through.

"Mom, why you crying?" Mikey frowned.

"We miss your Dad," she sobbed.

"Me too," he nodded, suddenly sounding just like his Dad. "But Daddy wouldn't like it if we were all sad. Just because the bad man shot him doesn't mean that we have to be sad. Like the priest said at Daddy's funeral, Daddy wouldn't have wanted everyone to be upset and stuff."

"Oh, Mikey, come here," she held out her hand, and he cuddled up to her. She picked him up and took him to lie down on the bed, cuddling Tammy too. They all lay and grieved for Elliot for what seemed like forever, until Olivia realised that Tammy and Mikey had both fallen asleep.

She let out a long sigh, holding her head as she crept through to the kitchen to find some pain-killers for the head-ache that her crying had caused. As she wandered through, she heard a crash and she looked round to find that the two condolence cards on either side of Elliot's picture had fallen over. She gasped, letting a smile grace her face as she wandered over and gazed at the photograph of Elliot in the dark wooden frame, sitting on to of the cabinet.

"I love you," she whispered, running her finger over the picture of her husband. "I can't even start to explain how much I hate the guy who did this to you. Sure he's in prison, but that's nothing compared to what it's done to us, is it? We're all miserable without you. It's hellish... the bed's always cold at night now, and Tammy's lost without her Daddy. Mikey's being strong, he's like you... but that's just not enough. I need you... I miss you, Ell... Why did you have to be taken? Oh, god... I love you so much..."

She swiped at the tears that again started to fall, and she settled down on the couch with Elliot's picture in her arms, leaning on a cushion. "Oh, Elliot. I wish you were still here... I miss you so so much."

So I hoped you liked this one. I put this all in one chapter, as if I did put them in single chapters it would have all been so short and things, so I did put it like this.

Hope it was good!!

Please leave me a review - just to tell me if you liked it or not!!

Thank you!!


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